Prioritizing Well Leads to Creativity
Me and my close friend Patsy playing at the Pour House in Raleigh this past Saturday night with our band, Chicken Ranch Road Show. I am wearing a turqoise dress with red, purple and yellow flowers on it and pink cowboy books, and Patsy wears a green corduroy vest-and-pant-suit. She plays guitar, I play fiddle, and behind us are the drums and various posters around the stage.
A couple days ago I was griping to a close friend about people not reading the instructions for working with me so that I have to remind them. They remarked that it must be challenging when my clients often put our work as their last priority, so they have the least time and energy for it.
I get what my friend meant: people have work, and family, etc. It clarified something for me, though: I don’t like that this happens! I don’t blame the individuals - it’s a familiar way of thinking for many of us. Responsibilities first, extracurriculars second.
Yes, we need to make a living and care for our loved ones. However, I think we often mis-prioritize - that is, we comfort ourselves by doing the things that seem the most important, or that would look the most important if there was, say, a surprise cabin inspection of our lives.
Well, my friends, the only surprise cabin inspection that you need to worry about is the one you give yourself.
In other words, we may fear looking irresponsible or unloving, but as creative people we are tasked with having integrity around our values. Creativity is a value.
Let’s say I work with a coach (something I’m doing right now, coaches need coaches too), and I think of our work as something that comes after I’ve finished my Job and after I’ve Been a Good Spouse and Friend. AKA, after I’ve comforted myself that I’ve fulfilled all my other responsibilities.
When I feel good and comfy, I’ll have about 3 minutes max to journal, ponder important questions, and do the other work the coach is guiding me through.
This is because there is no hard and fast rule about how much time our job or cooking or responsibilities should take, but there is a persistent and nagging thought that we’d be better people if we spent more time on them.
Then we’d feel comfortable and ready to turn our minds towards creativity, internal work, and rest.
But it is IN our creative, therapeutic, and rest times that we grapple with, and come to understand, what matters to us. This, not our fear of cabin inspection, should inform how we spend our time.
This week, of my workshoppers in Fiction Cauldron asked for help consistently making time to write (and using it). This is a question I often get asked, and the answer has to do with discipline.
Discipline is a bitch, but only if we work with Guilt-Based Discipline. This is the discipline that says things like, “You should sit down and write because it’s the responsible thing to do.” Or, “Good writers are rigorous, therefore you should sit down and be rigorous too!” Or, “I’ll know am a good person if I consistently cook my family dinner and give my job everything I have.”
None of this stems from our actual values, and none of it will actually make us feel our own goodness for more than a few, fragile moments.
I prefer Pleasurable Discipline. This is the kind of discipline that says, “You really care about writing this story, and while it’s going to suck and make you anxious to sit down and write it, you’ll feel happy if you do. I want you to feel happy.” And, “Why don’t you make a short routine for your writing, where you get to watch a video of a silly cat every time you sit down to write, and then you begin?” And, “I actually value a balance of being responsible financially and responsible for my creative and spiritual joy, so I plan to give less energy at work today, and I’ll use the extra energy to paint.”
Sometimes the pressure of being responsible leads us to back-burner the things that are most important to us, without our even noticing. This leads us to get caught in a cycle of burnout and confusing dissatisfaction. When we look on top of our shit to everyone else, that’s often the moment when we feel most disconnected.
I can see this in my coaching: sometimes someone comes along who is very on top of keeping things running, but who can’t seem to catch up enough to have time and energy for working with themselves.
Having it all figured out is a ruse. Having the courage to put the things that light us up higher on our list? That’s what leads to nervous system unclenching, to making art we are proud of. I keep my eye out for people who have already distinguished this. I am most helpful to those who have already decided that their old ways aren’t working, and who are lit-up by pursuing something new.
If this rings true for you, I offer a free, 30 minute consultation call where we can talk about what those new things could be for you. If we vibe, I now have a Mini Coaching Package, so you don’t have to go all-in on my Big One to see what it’s like to work together. (Unless you’re ready, of course.)
Happy Almost Spring, see you next week for Your Village Witch’s Corner!
xox
Isabel
Snuggling our way into the year of the fire horse over here
Events & Offerings
Fiction Cauldron
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A group Equinox ritual at Pluck Farm in Mebane, NC
Sat. March 21
Details forthcoming
A group Equinox ritual at a Night of Female Excellence
Sun. March 22
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