How the hell is it August?
My spell for Lúnasa, the wheel of the year holiday celebrating the start of harvest season, with some tomatoes from my garden
Everyone has been saying to me, “How is it August already?” And at first I thought, sort of annoyed, “People say that every single year. How are they still surprised?”
But I think “How is it August already” is maybe a concise, low-stakes way of expressing a much longer sentence, something like: “I am confused in my body and mind at how the season has passed so quickly, and I don’t know how to settle down in this reality.”
And THAT is a sentence I am very much experiencing.
The summer has contained so much for me:
New learning about how I want to decolonize and de-capitalism myself to find a better way to exist in my business and pace of life.
A raw juxtaposition of sweet and playful summer moments with a huge amount of healing childhood and teen trauma and getting over the blame game.
Learning to expect more of myself and others while also being compassionate to myself and others.
An indecent exposure experience that was traumatizing but led to some really empowering new relationships and thoughts about justice, law, and mental health in North Carolina, as well as ideas for I can use this all to better finish the novel I’m working on.
Time outside enjoying the thick golden haze of a North Carolina summer combined with time inside reading in the AC when I’ve been too tired to move.
Making a ton of art with my band (we’re recording an EP!) and in an aerials act I’m working on for a performance in October, and then, again . . . lying down in the AC when I’m too tired to move.
But there’s a difference between knowing intellectually that all this has happened, and integrating that knowledge into my body. I’ve been feeling a disconnect, where the reality of my summer so far hasn’t landed fully, and where I’ve struggled to be fully present in this moment rather than fussing about the past or future.
Trauma can cause this: a hypervigilant need to analyze what’s happened in order to keep ourselves safe in the future.
I get that, but I want more for myself.
I knew I needed to create a structure for myself to integrate and ground, so I made up a spell.
In service of asking for more support when providing support to others, I’ve posted it on my Patreon. If you find my work (this newsletter, that spell, etc.) helpful, and you’ve got the funds, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.
Basically if you’re like “Oh hell yes, we need Isabel out here doing this shit,” and you want to support it, that’s what my Patreon is all about. And you get stuff there too.
You’ve been with me while I’ve oriented to a different pace of moving, my newsletter friends.
I stopped pushing myself to write this newsletter weekly; I thought about how to create more balance in the give and receive of my work; and, this summer, I got back on Instagram.
At first, I was pretty hard on myself about the idea. “That would be a backslide,” I told myself. “You freed yourself from the shackles of the scroll! Why would you go back?”
Well, I never went back to scrolling, and may not ever. With so many ads and so many influencers, it’s not good for my mental health. But I came up with creative ways to use Instagram that give me all the things I want. Here they are:
“SECRET” INSTAGRAM
This account is for posting my aerials class videos. It’s not public, I don’t allow followers except close friends and classmates, and I only use it for:
a) Uploading videos of what I’ve learned, so I can look back at them and match them to my aerials class notes and re-learn things in the future. I’ve been doing this since 2016
b) Following a few favorite aerialists to learn new moves, and sharing my class videos with my coach and classmates
c) Watching cat, rabbit, and dog videos. When I start to get too many reels with people in them, I sit down for 10 minutes and recalibrate my algorithm by only watching and liking animal ones
PUBLIC INSTAGRAM
This is my visible account, and I use it to:
a) keep a rolodex of practitioners and small business owners I might want to collaborate with (these are the only people I follow, i.e. my rolodex)
b) post videos that make me happy and therefore communicate my vibe to others
c) occasionally like the first posts that show up in my feed or watch stories from those I follow, to show my community that I’m out here supporting them
d) connect with and share about people I’m collaborating with, and the events we’re putting on
I still strongly prefer email, text, phone, zoom, or in-person meeting, which is why I often don’t connect with friends on Instagram.
I know how my energy works and I want to reserve it for initiating the connections that feel closer to me, rather than spreading it thin on social media. I’ve softened my lines around messaging in IG so I can stay connected with some long distance friends and converse with new colleagues. The bottom line is always that it’s what serves ME, and I recalibrate when I feel my energy being eaten up by the screen.
Being on Instagram in this way, the way that is ALL ABOUT ME, has already brought some really sweet things into my life, answers to questions I’d posed to the Universe.
I posted a video about the indecent exposure experience I had earlier in the summer, and made a new friend who had a similar experience, who I’m now doing a skill trade with.
I was contacted by the lovely Johna at Raleigh’s branch of The Beauty Boost, an uplifting space for women & nonbinary people and business owners to come and feel beautiful (not just LOOK beautiful based on some arbitrary expectation. In other words, the important distinction between health and wellness and “wealth and hellness").
I’ll be working with them this fall and winter season at various events, hosting a talisman creation table, AKA a space for people to soften into their real feelings. The question Johna’s message answered for me was, “How can I connect with more likeminded people who can afford my services and want my kind of support?”
I’ll post about the TBB events I’ll be at here and on IG.
My point in all this is, doing things at my pace, and my way, has been really good so far. Rich, even.
I hope you are finding ways to do this for yourself, and to be present and lush this early harvest season. I also hope to see you at one of my events, or anywhere else in my world. You, yes you, can always feel welcome to click “respond” to my newsletter and drop a line.
Love,
Isabel
My own iteration of my Summer Orienting spell.
Events & Offerings
Talisman Creation at The Beauty Boost Events, TBA
TBB details here
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One of those sweet and playful summer moments I mentioned, at a pool party moment with friends
