Break the brittle shell
The strawberry moon rises during a bonfire at Miles of Music, the music camp I attended last week
Sometimes it takes going somewhere very different to realize how Same you’ve been doing things.
For several years after moving to North Carolina I yearned for Stability. I wanted it like water - if only I could find Stability, I would be all right. I think a lot of people I work with feel this way: “There are so many things to track, and I just can’t get them in order, and if only I could find some consistency, then—” sentence unfinished, insert feeling of contentment and wholeness.
It seems strategic to think in pieces: I need to get my work figured out, I need to get my relationship figured out. But make a list of five or six of these items and we end up playing whack-a-mole, feeling in control in one area while a new issue pops up in another, never reaching that contentment and wholeness.
I played whack-a-mole for a while after moving here. Navigating it is how I developed my coaching framework, weaving together all the techniques I learned and created to live differently in my own life. I now have the magical, mythical Stability I used to long for. ( If you want to learn wholeness and contentment > whack-a-mole, check out my coaching page.)
I have it in a hundred different ways: dinner and a movie every week with my found family, tending to my pets every morning and evening, my nighttime routine where I do my body care in a specific order that I like best (face wash, floss, vitamins, brush teeth, bite guard) and then read in bed on a heating pad or Shakti mat.
Family movie night is a good example of where I’ve fallen into Too Much Stability. I’ve noticed over the months that I tend to vote for either children’s movies (Muppet Treasure Island, The Emperor’s New Groove) or Hallmark movies (Pumpkin Everything, Murder in G Major). In the last few months I have consistently pushed for movies in these categories. “Oh my god,” I was thinking, “this stability feels amazing and I want it all the time.”
Then, two weeks ago, we watched a Good, Challenging Movie. It was “They Cloned Tyrone,” a ridiculous and smart heist movie about race and systems of oppression. It made me think about transformative justice, punishment, and community, all themes I’m exploring in my current novel project.
I worried I’d feel tired after a Good, Challenging Movie. Instead I felt strong and inspired.
On June 5 I left for a week-long music camp in New Hampshire where I was way outside my comfort zone: I confronted old behavioral patterns, tried out a solo in fiddle class, and shared openly about my business. It was a Good, Challenging Time.
And it illuminated for me that I’ve been in a rut. I was grateful for the universe showing me the ways I’d grown brittle from too much comfort. I felt how my world would expand and become lush with color and creativity if I took some (manageable) risks.
Since coming back, I’ve started developing fiddle skills I’ve wanted for months, dived back into my novel with renewed energy, and generally started to look at my life with curiosity. “What’s this over here, and how can I engage with it with presence and aliveness?”
I hope your summer is bringing you fresh air and new experiences, and that they are bringing new life to your world.
It’s almost the summer solstice, a time of great aliveness - so much brightness and outwardness it might feel uncomfortable. For guidance on how to get the most out of this seasonal moment without exploding, check out my Patreon. My solstice Tarot readings, meditation, and ritual are all about to go up later this week.
Me walking the trail to my cabin at music camp
Village Witch’s Corner
My intention this week :
Reground in my world with renewed curiosity.
Question(s) I'm asking this week:
What presence and aliveness are wanting to express themselves through me?
What I’m listening to:
This song by Keith Whitley, which I’m learning on the fiddle.
Tiny Spell of the Week:
When I doubt myself, just sit with it, without needing to fix it right away, and see what emerges.
