Traversing the Feeling of Bleh
Me at an Ostara ritual I recently hosted for close friends at my home. The ritual we did was very close to the ritual from Ostara’s edition of the Village Witch’s Garden, which you can find on my Patreon.
We all have times when all is well, and we think we “should” feel happy and good, and still we do not. I am coming out of one of those moments now.
Also, I am a life coach, and everything I talk about below comes from tools and ways of being I’ve honed for myself over the years and now use with clients. If you want to work with me, check out the link at the bottom.
The past week or so has brought with it a limbo-feeling I’ve struggled to find my way out of. An astrologer friend recently reminded me of the moment we’re in, traversing Pisces season into Aries season, and how those very different energies can leave us feeling confused about what way to be. I am an Aries rising, and I’m just now finding the season’s fiery energy arriving in my body and spirit after many days of limbo.
I call this feeling “bleh.” It’s made up of somewhere between five and one hundred factors: chemicals in my brain, level of work stress, level of interpersonal stress, how well I’m naming boundaries to others (or not), etc.
But those factors are too entangled to parse apart, especially when I already feel Bleh.
One issue is that it’s my mind that tells me how I “should” feel (happy), and it’s in my mind that I first seek this feeling out. I tried a favorite gratitude practice: in the morning and evening, choose three things you’re grateful for. I couldn’t find the verve or energy to keep these things going. Something else was off, something the mind couldn’t solve.
Yesterday, I spent most of my therapy appointment talking through my anxiety around a big trip I leave for this Sunday. I am about to go on my belated honeymoon, and various parts of me chime in with their thoughts:
“What’s wrong with you that you’re not excited?”
“You can’t be excited until you’ve covered all your bases for packing and preparation for the house sitter, which will never be complete.”
“AHHH how do we get out of this limbo feeling???”
The best advice for myself when in Bleh is to keep going while reducing the self-judgment as much as I can. Because Bleh is made up of those factors, it’s not infinite: the weather will change, I will get a good night’s sleep, a hang with friends will help out my brain chemicals, I will finally name when I need some space, and eventually I will feel a little better, at which point feeling a lot better seems possible again.
The keys seem to be acceptance and making the experience as soft as possible. Some ways I’ve managed to do this in the past few days:
I’ve softened my expectations for myself. If I am in a habit of taking a while to get out of bed, or I need a break from making the healthiest breakfast option, I let these things happen. I don’t force myself into anything, and I notice when I am drawn to such force out of self-judgment.
I’ve made sure to talk with those loud parts of myself, and to take care of them. À la my first bullet point, I don’t push it, but I make sure to do at least a little. This is called parts work.
I change my perspective, either by getting out of the house, spending time with friends, or changing up a routine. I continue to do this regularly until I am out of Bleh.
High expectations is another source of anxiety. If my baseline is “this feeling should never last more than a day and I’m doing something wrong if it does,” that doesn’t leave a lot of room for human existence. Noticing that I have this ridiculously high and arbitrary expectation is the first step.
Yesterday I spent 20 minutes or so picking dandelions in my yard. In doing so, I remembered that tasks can happen in increments and they don’t have to be all or nothing, and I felt connected to my yard for a little while. Both of these things eased my Bleh.
What if it was truly all right that sometimes you feel Bleh for a week? What if you knew how to get yourself out of it before it became the norm? What if you had familiar tools to turn to when this arose, so it didn’t feel wrong or even confusing?
Dealing with Bleh differently has changed my quality of life for the better. My coaching is based in teaching skills to my clients so they can carry them forward for the rest of their lives. If you’re curious to hear about how I’d support you in creating a better quality of life for yourself, check out my coaching page. And click the “book a call” button if you wanna talk about it voice to voice!
xox
Isabel
P.S. Oh yeah, I’m heading out of town on that big trip this Sunday! It’ll be quiet here in the VW blog/newsletter for a couple weeks, and then I’ll return to the regular rhythm on April 23. Hope you have a sweet spring between now and then.
Dandelions drying on my porch
Village Witch’s Corner
My intention this week :
To use the tools I listed above to handle my Bleh.
Question(s) I'm asking this week:
Where is the stress coming from my expectations of what “should” be happening, rather than what is actually happening itself?
What I’m listening to:
Spirits by The Devil Makes Three. I’m loving the way they blend various musical genres into a particular style that feels accessible and of the people.
Tiny Spell of the Week:
Stretch my calves. Notice what little galaxies open up in my calves when I let space into them.
